In January we were being very careful about spending, I was saving between $40-50 each grocery shopping trip, not spending frivolously and not eating out. We didn't use credit cards and I had to sign the girls up again for gymnastics and buy a new camera. I was very proud! I was feeling great about where we were and the direction we were taking. But now? I'm just run down. I feel like everything I do is undone every day.
Remember that great home management binder I started? I wash the sink and 2 hours later there is either liquid soap dripped all over or toothpaste globbed up. There's always mess on the mirrors - I don't even want to wash those. What's the point? I haven't vacuumed in a week because I can't keep the floor picked up long enough to vacuum. Even with the girls helping, they pick up their things, then we have to run out. We get home, I have to start cooking some meal and they play in the meantime...I didn't get time to get the vacuum out. It's making me crazy.
So today Peanut has a cough. Nice, wet congested cough. No idea where it came from as she didn't have it as of noon yesterday. She's tired, and cranky and easily crying. Time for a nap. Both girls lay down, I dictate an hour. Who falls asleep? Goosie. Peanut is up there goofing around. It's been 2 hours now, and what have I done with all this wonderful "free time"? Craft? Clean? Nope. Sat here on my behind reading blogs. I'm so frustrated by this!
I have to break this cycle. I have to find a way to manage what has to be done at home with the outside the house schedule with free time for me and engaging the girls with activity and nurturing. Maybe it's the mid-winter doldrums kicking in, which is never good, but I just want to hole up in my own pretty world. But right now my world is all cluttery, and even my imaginary escape is just full of one great big to-do list.
I guess I'll just get it all out there, make one giant to-do list for February and start chipping away. Maybe I'll clear the list up before the end of the month and I can chill out on the 28th. Pffft! I'll put "eat chocolate" first one the list. At least I'll feel accomplished with one thing.